Show, Don’t Tell: The Golden Rule of Fiction Writing (+ Examples)

One of the first things budding writers learn? Show, don’t tell. 

It’s advice that every writer has heard. But what does it actually mean? How are you supposed to tell a story without… telling a story?

Here, I’m going to break down this Golden Rule, explaining how you put it into practice in your writing - and offering some stellar examples of showing, not telling from the world of fiction. 

Here goes. 

What does show, don’t tell mean?

Put simply, show, don’t tell just means describe, don’t explain. It’s a way to convey a story and its characters through action and sensory detail, rather than narrator exposition.

See if you can spot the difference between:

She felt very nervous and insecure as she sat in the waiting room before her interview. 

and

She fiddled with her hair and couldn't help but glance at the clock; anything to avoid eye-contact with the other candidates.

In the first example, the writer tells us how the character is feeling. In the second, the writer shows us how the character is behaving, leaving us to infer her nervousness and insecurity. 

Here’s another show, don’t tell example: 

The house was dark and spooky.

versus

Fred peered into the gloom, trying to make sense of dim shapes at the end of the hallway. The floorboards creaked underfoot and cobwebs clung to his damp clothes. 

Here a writer shows us a setting, rather than simply telling us about it.

Why writers are taught to show, not tell

So why is showing a better way of conveying a story? It ultimately comes down to reader engagement. 

When you show, rather than tell readers something you:

• Encourage them to use their imaginations and powers of deduction

• Give them freedom to come to their own conclusions about characters and situations

• Help them to experience the story on an emotional and sensory level

• Create a sense of intimacy between the reader and your characters

Consider how this sentence makes you feel:

Archie was happy to be alive.

And then compare it to what Zadie Smith actually wrote: 

Later that morning, Archie did an ecstatic eight circuits of Swiss Cottage roundabout in his car, his head stuck out of the window while a stream of air hit the teeth at the back of his mouth like a windsock. He thought: Blimey. So this is what it feels like when some bugger saves your life. 

White Teeth, Zadie Smith

It’s almost as if you’re riding around that roundabout with Archie, right? When writers employ the show, don’t tell rule, readers get to live a story alongside its characters.

They also get the opportunity to search for subtext within a scene. By avoiding lengthy exposition - and leaving some things unsaid - you make the reading experience a little more challenging and much more satisfying for a reader.

Show, don’t tell: 6 tips for getting it right

1. Engage the senses

Show, don’t tell means giving readers all of the sensory information they need to experience a story as your characters do. 

So include lots of sensory description. Tell a reader what your characters are seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing and feeling. 

But tread carefully. Try to describe sensory information without using too many sense verbs. Words like heard, felt, saw and smelled can make your writing feel repetitive - and actually increase the psychic distance between your story and a reader. 

Let’s take another badly written example, full of sense verbs: 

Will saw a boulevard, lined with brightly lit cafes and small shops. But he couldn’t hear a thing. He felt hot and smelled both the scent of flowers and the salt of the sea. 

And the well-crafted sentences that inspired it: 

At the side of the boulevard was a line of cafes and small shops, all brightly lit, all open, and all utterly silent and empty beneath a sky thick with stars. The hot night was laden with the scent of flowers and with the salt smell of the sea. 

The Subtle Knife, Phillip Pullman

2. Use dialogue 

Dialogue is a great way to convey your characters’ personality traits, emotions and relationship dynamics - without having to explicitly tell your reader all about them. 

For example, a character who talks in long, flowery sentences may be interpreted as erudite - or pompous. Accents (conveyed with the help of phonetic spelling) can be used to indicate background or class. 

Dialogue can also be used to illustrate an emotional shift. A character who once talked expressively but now answers questions in clipped sentences is clearly not quite themselves. 

Speech is the perfect way to illustrate relationships too. Take this short exchange between Mr. and Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice:

“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?”

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

“But it is,” returned she; “for Mrs. Long has just been here, and she told me all about it.”

Mr. Bennet made no answer.

“Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife impatiently.

“You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.”

This was invitation enough.

Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

Austen doesn’t have to tell us that Mrs. Bennet is a gossip, keen to learn and share news about her neighbours. Nor that Mr. Bennet is her long-suffering, disinterested but nonetheless amiable partner. 

Instead, her characterful dialogue conveys it all. 

3. Describe action

Summaries and exposition slow down your narrative because they interrupt the action. So keep things moving along at a good pace by describing actions, rather than characters or settings, whenever possible. 

Instead of saying that a character is selfish, develop a scene where they actually demonstrate selfish behaviour. Or use action to show how one character feels about another. 

Here (and throughout The Road), Cormac McCarthy uses action to show how dedicated the father is to his son. 

He turned and swam out to the falls and let the water beat upon him. The boy was standing in  the pool to his waist, holding his shoulders and hopping up and down. The man went back and got him. He held him and floated him about, the boy gasping and chopping at the water. You’re doing good, the man said. You’re doing good. 

The Road, Cormac McCarthy

We get to see the father’s consistent, practical care - and some tender moments too. These actions show us how the father feels about his son, without McCarthy ever having to spell it out to us.  

Equally, instead of describing a new location at length, you can incorporate details of the setting into the action, like George Orwell does here: 

Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him.

1984, George Orwell

The plot keeps moving on, uninterrupted by passages of exposition. But we still learn a little about Winston’s environment. 

4. Strengthen your verbs

Strong verbs are specific and descriptive. They help you to paint a vivid picture (which is exactly what show, don’t tell is all about). 

Use weak verbs - like said, looked or moved - and you’ll end up including more exposition in order to clarify your meaning. That’s because these vague verbs convey very little information. 

Compare these two paragraphs, the first with weak verbs, and the second with stronger ones:

She looked at the blinking controls. Everything that wasn’t bolted down moved around the cabin and hit the walls. Pam shouted out in alarm.

and

She stared at the blinking controls. Everything that wasn’t bolted down hurtled and zig-zagged across the cabin. Pam shrieked in alarm.

The second paragraph is much more evocative. And because it's so descriptive, a writer can do more with fewer words. 

But - a quick word of advice. Don’t go crazy with your thesaurus. 

As with anything in writing, it’s all about the light and shade. Overload your manuscript with the most outlandish verbs you can find and readers will find it hard to engage with your story. 

5. Aim for balance

Following on from the last point, it’s always a fine balance. Telling rather than showing is a problem. But so is showing what doesn’t need to be shown. 

Let’s look at a few more examples: 

Too much showing

Her fingers ran along the fading ink. She barely felt the weight of the manual in her hands. Its yellow pages fluttered in the wandering draught, desperately holding onto the flimsy spine. Amanda shut the book with a sigh. “Nothing. Again.” She stretched out her cotton-clad arm towards Lily. Towers of leafed-through volumes separated the two women from each other as well as from the feeling of excitement and anticipation they had both felt in the morning. "Let's call it a day, shall we?" Lily said, stifling a yawn. Amanda nodded.

This first example includes too much irrelevant information. The writer shows absolutely every detail of the scene, which makes for a wordy and frustrating read. 

Too much telling

Amanda leafed through yet another book before closing it, frustrated. She and her research partner Lily were no closer to finding the answer they were looking for and both were tired from hours of looking through hundreds of books. They decided to call it a day.

Here, the writer tells, rather than shows us what is happening. We’re not invited into the room with these characters and, because everything is laid out for us, we don’t have to search for subtext. 

A good balance

Amanda leafed through yet another book with yellowing pages, before shutting it with a sigh. “Nothing. Again.” Lily peered out from behind the stacks of useless books between them, her expression glum. "Let's call it a day, shall we?" she said, stifling a yawn. Amanda nodded.

This paragraph is just right. The writer follows the show, don’t tell rule - but not to the nth degree. Readers are left to draw their own conclusions as to what the characters are thinking and feeling. 

6. Trust your audience

So you’ve created an elaborate world in your imagination, poured it on the page, then edited it to its bare but beautiful bones.

Then the doubt creeps in. 

Will a reader understand what you’re trying to say? Will they pick up on the clues? Would it be better if you included just a few expository sections to ensure clarity? 

At this point, you need to step away from your manuscript. As a writer, you have to trust your readers - and their ability to infer your meaning.  

Have confidence that by showing, rather than telling, you’ve given them everything they need to draw their own conclusions and enjoy your narrative. 

Is telling always a bad idea?

Show, don’t tell is an important rule for writers to bear in mind. But you don’t have to apply it doggedly to every single sentence of your WIP. 

A little secret? You can tell parts of your story without ruining the experience for a reader. And most novels - even famous, critically-acclaimed ones - incorporate some level of exposition. 

They do this by keeping expository passages, whether delivered through narration or dialogue, to a minimum. And by avoiding the temptation to explain anything other than the necessary at any given moment.  

Take this extract from the first chapter of Isaac Asimov’s Foundation:

His name was Gaal Dornick and he was just a country boy who had never seen Trantor before. That is, not in real life. He had seen it many times on the hyper-video, and occasionally in tremendous three-dimensional newscasts covering an Imperial Coronation or the opening of a Galactic Council. Even though he had lived all his life on the world of Synnax, which circled a star at the edges of the Blue Drift, he was not cut off from civilization, you see. At that time, no place in the Galaxy was. 

Foundation, Isaac Asimov 

Asimov gives the reader enough scene-setting information to make sense of what happens next. But he avoids going into great detail about the locations, technology and society of the world he is describing. A reader will learn more as the story progresses. 

Crucially, Asimov quickly moves back into showing. So a reader is never alienated (or bored) by long passages of exposition. 

We often find summary paragraphs at the start of a story. Telling can also be really useful when you want to vary the pace of your story. Or transition to a new situation or location without reams of description. 

So whilst you should tell in moderation and understand the power of showing, you don’t have to avoid telling at all costs.

A few last words of show, don’t tell advice

Begin writing with the show, don’t tell mantra going round in your head and you may end up feeling backed into a corner, with nowhere for your narrative to go. 

So I’d say that, for first drafts, anything goes. You’re still learning what your story is actually about. 

Resort to telling if it helps you to get the words down on paper. Then revisit your manuscript, switching telling for showing at a later stage. 

And don’t forget that telling is an inevitable part of storytelling. You can’t avoid it completely. In fact, every writer is guilty of breaking the golden show, don’t tell rule. 

Just take a look at this section of dialogue: 

“That was no ordinary cut. That’s what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh - took care of yer mum an’ dad an’ yer house, even - but it didn’t work on you, an’ that’s why yer famous, Harry. No one ever lived after he decided ter kill ‘em, no one except you.”

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, J. K. Rowling

Exposition has its place within a narrative. But show more than you tell, and you’ll craft a story with the power to truly captivate and intrigue an audience.

Want to know if you’re following the show, don’t tell rule in your own writing? Then my in-depth copyediting service is just what you need. Get in touch to find out more.

Until the next time,

Candida x